I ran upstairs, grabbed a glass, trapped it, and took it outside. I was calling it a Mongolian Death Spider (although I don't know why I picked Mongolia when the worst spiders seem to be in Australia--I think I just like how "Mongolia" sounds), but a quick search reveals it's actually a "woodlouse spider".*
One bit our cat Scout on the tongue, several years ago, and I'm glad I caught this one before it managed to creep near either cat (or Lightning, or baby Ninja). At least I warned it that I'd kill it if I saw it in the house again, which will solve my problem if it's brilliant and understands English...**
*Psh. Whatever. Do you see that crazy red-head-white-body-ack-pincers thing?
**Actually, I'd rather it be stupid, like a normal spider--intelligent spiders don't really make me feel better, come to think of it
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