I keep fantasizing about blow guns. Late at night, when it's actually dark out.
But only when the fireworks in our neighborhood start.
Let me explain: I have a four-year-old. He is terrified and excited by fireworks, so much that they make him tremble with joy and/or fear, depending on whether he can see them or not. The other night (Saturday night, to be precise), some people one street away started lighting fireworks at 9 in the evening.
This is okay. Even though my son woke up, I thought, "Surely they will run out of money to burn soon. 9:30, maybe, or 10."
The fireworks kept going, from 9:30 to 10. Finally I pulled my four-year-old and his dad away from the bathroom window where they'd been watching. I told them to come to our bed and try to sleep, because I figured all of us in one bed was better than none of us in any bed. I told them the fireworks would stop soon.
They kept going. Boom after scream after boom, with my son wriggling at every one. They kept going until 11:30 at night.
This may not seem that late to you. But our two-year-old slept through everything. He would be up in the morning at 6 a.m., or 7 a.m. And our four-year-old would be tired the next day. When he's tired, he likes to throw things for reasons no sane person can predict. He ends up in time out. He says the word "stupid" a lot, because he thinks it is the cruelest word in existence and we're not going to tell him any worse ones.
Anyway, it was somewhere between 10 and 11:30, with a four-year-old poking feet into my back and tugging "accidentally" on my hair, that I started half-dreaming about blow guns. The darts inside would have tranquilizers, and they would be long and sharp. With that gun, I could creep out of our coul-de-sac, down the street, and over to where they were letting off fireworks. One blow, one dart each, and all the revelers could nap on the sidewalk. I'd hide their unlit fireworks. The noise would stop. And everyone, even parents, even four-year-olds, could finally get some sleep.
Now that I'm more awake, I think writers are weird.
But I still want a blow gun.